Glass Heart
by PsycheNyan
Summary: He found him, lifeless and beaten in that alley, the only sounds heard where that of the rain as it pounded the ground, he thought he was dead, but no, that would have been too kind. Instead he now has to live a life dependent on a man he hated. Shizaya
1. Chapter 1

**Due to a huge fall out with the person who commissioned me for Roommates, I really don't know when it will be continued. So using the same general storyline I made a darker version.**

**So if you read Roommates I hope you enjoy this~ **

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><p>Why did this happen, why was he sitting there in nothing, but a pair of boxers watching as he slept, his chest barely rising and falling with each struggled breath…why did he care? Looking over the pristine white sheets he could plainly make out the worst of his injuries as crimson soaked through and blemished the perfection…<p>

He knew he should call Shinra, but…what if he left and he died? He had to be there…he couldn't leave him; it had to be him, he was meant to be the last thing this man saw…not some total stranger's with a grudge.

Clenching his fists till he felt blood seep between his tensed fingers he growled, why? Why couldn't he get the image of what those people had done to the man before him out of his head? He wasn't even a witness to confirm what he was imagining had happened, but he did know one thing…those rope burns around his wrists, ankles and neck didn't come from a guys night out…nor did the wounds probably done from a knife just appear without hand of a culprit…and the broken bones didn't happen on their own either…

This man, the man he despised the most, had indeed been tortured…and as much as he hated him, he couldn't bring himself to leave him back in that alleyway, after all he had what the other man lacked…humanity. And it was that humanity that finally allowed him to leave the room and call someone who could take the pain away, hopefully for the both of them…

Before he left however, he had turned; feeling grateful he did as he saw a pair of crimson eyes looking at him, piercing deep into his soul as tears trailed from the corners and ran down his damaged skin…he looked like a child, nothing more than a frightened child wanting their mothers, but being too scared the monster will hear them if they talk…

It was sickening to think he was this mans monster...

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><p><em>Shizuo POV<em>

I couldn't stand to look at him; he made me feel sick…I wanted to simply walk over and put him out of his misery…I hated him…I hated him so god damn much…I know I do, I despise his very existence, everyone would be better off with him dead and buried six feet under…

So why do I sit here on the floor with my back to the door, and knees drawn to my chest as I cry in silent despair for the man I once felt indestructible…he's still alive, but what will he truly have when this ends…everything was going to change now…

I had seen this before…I didn't need Shinra to tell me what those people did…they took something from him that gave us both the flare of life, his legs were like that of a stallion, strong and able to carry him for miles while maintaining an amazing speed…what would he do now? Would he want to live…would he blame me for taking his chance to die?

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><p>Lowering his head between his knees he hid his face, bringing his hands up to cover his head, fisting his hair as he continued to cry; he shouldn't be feeling this way…it wasn't him who did wrong, all he did was save the man!<p>

So why did that feel like the greatest sin of them all? Why did he want to rip his heart out and slowly bleed to death…why did he feel such a great need to escape an unexplainable guilt?

Looking up at nothing in particular as tears continued to flow from his glass like eyes the man took in a deep breath and swallowed harshly before his murmured voice filled the otherwise silent apartment;

"Forgive me…Izaya…"

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><p><strong>Forgive how short this is, this is just a tester chapter to see what people think of it :3<strong>

**Next chapter will be longer =3 I hope to make this a long chaptered story~**

**Reviews are appreciated, shows me people like the story so gives me more muse to continue =3**


	2. Chapter 2

**I feel like this has been so rushed ;_; But I know starting Monday I won't have time to write as much since College will be starting…I made this chapter a decent size for you all, but for some reason…I feel that was a bad idea…it feels so boring ;0;**

**Thank you for the reviews on chapter 1 though =) and I hope you like chapter 2 (**_even if it does suck__**)**_

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><p>He had no idea how much time had passed, or if it had passed at all, everything seemed to stop; sitting up he lowered his arms and sighed, he didn't need the brunets words to tell him how he felt…his eyes told him what he wanted crystal clear…Izaya didn't hold the face of someone who wanted to live, his eyes where pleading for death. And for the first time since he had met the brunet, Shizuo didn't want him to suffer…<p>

Standing on shaky legs, he placed a hand on the door knob and turned it; wincing as the hinges creaked from years of angered abuse. He was stood at the threshold for God knows how long simply staring at the bloody mess; the brunet was once again unconscious…he'd lost way to much blood…and though the thought brought a lump to his throat; Shizuo knew he had to admit, Izaya was dying…

He looked at him; with eyes that soon turned to hatred, even when he was dying the bastard still managed to anger him, if he were to die in Shizuo's house, who would the police look at first? They wouldn't believe what really happened…the damages done to Ikebukuro proved that…everyone knew they hated one another…growling Shizuo stormed over to the bed; it was like his body was on an auto-pilot…he had now blocked out the memory that Izaya was already dying…and in its place all he could see in his mind's eye was that fucking smirk!

He latched both hands around the brunet's neck and began applying pressure; the smile on his face was near demonic, he was going to finally rid the world of Orihara Izaya! Tokyo's most hated information broker…by his hands he was going to die.

A sudden flash of lightning startled him out of his craze, looking up his eyes widened; his mothers mirror sat before him, half covered by a drape to keep it clean…it was almost as if it was put there by some higher power…for in it, Shizuo could see what he was doing as though from another's perspective…Looking down his pupils shrunk dramatically. He was killing the great Orihara Izaya; yet the man's face never changed…he didn't try to stop him…he didn't beg for him to stop with that annoying voice, he was simply walking into deaths embrace, and leaving him behind…

"Shizuo stop, what the hell are you doing!"

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><p><em>Shizuo POV<em>

Hearing the cry of my friend I removed my hands from Izaya's quickly bruising neck and turned towards him, my face void of emotion and my eyes still swollen from crying; at once the man's angered face fell into that of concern as he rushed towards the bed, Celty lightly grabbing my shoulder and leading me like a mother would a child to the other side of the room where she helped me sit down on the floor; mimicking my pose she pulled out her PDA, but I wasn't interested in her words of comfort…

Turning my head towards Shinra I could barely take in what he was doing, it was like my eyes were seeing it, but my brain wasn't processing it…I felt like I had entered a black and white movie…everything looked off…

"When did I call you…? I don't remember telling you about him…"

Hearing how dead my voice sounded I inwardly flinched; this wasn't who I was, I wasn't some pathetic human made to be used as a doormat…I was Heiwajima Shizuo; strongest man in Ikebukuro…so why did seeing this affect me so?

"You didn't, you phoned me about half an hour ago…I answered, but all I could hear was crying, so I got worried and had Celty bring me over…"

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><p><em>Normal POV (Cause I suck at them =3=)<em>

Shinra never looked up from what he was doing as he replied, his brows furrowed in concentration as he wrapped a thick gauze around Izaya's heavily bleeding abdomen as he mumbled about being up all night working on the male.

The crazy brunet didn't need to say anything, Shizuo could tell simply from the vibes he was giving off that he blamed him for the damage done to Izaya…and for some reason, this pissed him off, looking at the floor he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.

"I didn't do this to him…I'm the one who dragged his bleeding ass from an alleyway…don't you dare accuse me of things you know nothing about."

The venom in his voice sent chills down Shinra and Celty's spines, and even though he was a good friend, they couldn't help, but feel a tad afraid of the man at the moment…

Shinra avoided making eye contact or even looking at his friend; right now he had another friend to save and if he didn't hurry and stabilize him…well, the outcome wouldn't be a pretty reminder for Shizuo…after all who wants to sleep in a bed someone died on?

Shaking his head Shinra looked back to what he was doing…feeling frustration rise as no matter what he did blood continued to seep through…looking at the man's face he bit his lip; he was going to have to burn the wounds if he wanted them to stop bleeding, but was Izaya really out cold or just too weak to open his eyes or move…could he really risk putting his friend through more pain…no.

"Celty we need to get him back to our place now…if I had of known I would have brought more things with me…"

Shizuo knew who the last part was aimed at and it took all his physical and mental strength not to simply punch the doctor, he had no idea what it felt like to have the person you hate the most at your mercy, but so badly hurt you can't finish them off from pity!

God he needed a cigarette…he was just about to leave the room when Shinra's voice stopped him;

"Shizuo I need you to carry him for me; no excuses now!"

Growling he walked over and without much care scooped the brunet into his arms, only to nearly drop him when a pained cry filled the room…looking down the blonde swore his heart stopped…despite the blood loss and the excruciating pain he must have been going through, Izaya still clung to consciousness…his red half lidded eyes filled with tears that he refused to shed…

"Shizuo come on!"

Nodding he ran after the bespectacled brunet, trying to stop his own tears from falling again…even in this state he would NOT let this flea see him cry…

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><p>Pacing up and down the apartments living room Shizuo growled; it must have been a good four maybe even five hours since Shinra shut himself and Izaya in the spare room, during which time countless of Shinra's as Celty put it "connections" had shown up and entered…<p>

But there was still no word on Izaya…stopping he looked at the door hoping it would open and Shinra would come out saying he was okay and in three weeks time he would be chasing the annoying brunet out of Ikebukuro once again…

Was he not allowed to dream even if only for a few minutes? Slumping onto the sofa he sighed; Celty had kindly brought him a cup of milk nearly two hours ago, but the man had yet to touch it, instead he glared at it…for no particular reason of course since the milk had done nothing wrong…it was just stress…

sighing he placed his head on the arm rest and closed his eyes, the exhaustion catching up with his body a bit to quickly…

"Shizuo…Shizuo"

Hearing the voice and feeling someone prodding his shoulder the blonde groaned and buried his head deeper into his arms, only to realise he wasn't in his bed…looking behind him he saw Shinra's worried face and like that it all came back, sitting bolt upright Shizuo lunged forward and grabbed the doctors coat pulling him into him.

"Well? What happened? Is he okay?"

Not expecting the reaction Shinra jumped back letting out a small yelp of shock, to which Shizuo backed off at mumbling a soft apology that the brunet just smiled gently at.

"So…is he?"

Sighing Shinra flopped onto his couch, rubbing his forehead; he was exhausted…but looking at Shizuo he nodded;

"He did fine…better than I expected to be honest…but, Shizuo, when you do go in to see him…don't lose your temper."

At this Shizuo growled, how low did his so called friend think he was!

"How low do you think I am? Even if it is the flea I would never hit him in such a pathetic state!"

"Shizuo please; volume…but that's not what I mean…he's…he's changed. It was like he didn't recognise me at first; it took him an hour to calm down long enough to realise who I was and by then he completely wore himself out!"

Realising he was shouting Shinra lowered his head and took a deep breath before continuing

"So…if he freaks, the best thing to do is just walk out of the room. Do you understand?"

Looking at Shinra, Shizuo nodded before falling next to the brunet on the couch; he didn't know what to say, his mind had just gone blank…

"What did they do to him?"

Looking at Shizuo, Shinra frowned sadly before shaking his head and looking away; "From the looks of things they tortured him…" "No…injury wise, what did they do?"

Shaking his head again, Shinra tried to convince the blonde that he didn't want to know, he tried everything to change his mind, but Shizuo was adamant so taking a deep breath Shinra began…

"He has flail chest for one…basically in terms you'll understand; flail chest is where there are two or more fractures per rib, and because of this the area the flail affects, the lungs can't expand…3/4 of Izaya's ribs are fractured, but 5 of them had more than one fracture…we were able to sort that out without too many problems though…he had pretty serious abdominal bleeding, but again that was fixed without too many problems, as I'm sure you saw they did cut his throat open, but thankfully it wasn't as deep as it looked and there doesn't seem to be too much damage… he has a badly broken right arm, elbow and shoulder…obviously the people who did this knew his right hand is his dominant one…and let's see…his left shoulder was dislocated, but we popped that back into place…"

Listening to Shinra ramble on Shizuo felt his anger increase...how dare anyone touch his flea...looking down his body began to shake, noticing this Shinra felt panic rush through his body, so standing he turned to Shizuo and tried to create an excuse to leave;

"Hmm well I think that's about it. I better get back in with him before he wakes up again!"

Shinra was about to make a quick getaway, but Shizuo was one step ahead and grabbed his coat pulling him back onto the couch; "What about his legs? I know something was wrong with them."

Shinra couldn't make eye contact with Shizuo…he couldn't find a way to tell the man, and he had no idea how said man would react…but from that glare it was either he told, or he'd be on the operating table next…

"Shizuo…I don't…I really don't know how to say it…but I will try. Izaya's legs…well, right now…we think he'd be better off without them…the amount of work they will need done on them to give him even a slight chance of walking again…it just doesn't seem worth it…both his kneecaps are shattered, same with his ankles. His hips…the bone in the left one was coming out of his skin the right is broken, but not as badly, his shins have about 3 breaks each, his right is so bad the one main break splintered the entire bone…even if he does recover some use…he won't ever be able to run again…now…I've told you, so will you let me go, please?"

Looking down Shizuo blushed slightly, he didn't even realise he was holding the doctors wrist, letting go he watched Shinra get up and walk back into the spare room; however before he entered, he lowered his head and said something that made Shizuo feel sick; "We have also decided...if Izaya stops breathing at any time within the next 24 hours were not going to try and bring him back."

"What, so that's it? This is Izaya, Shinra, if anyone will survive this it's him!"

Turning to face the blonde Shinra's eyes where alight with rage; "Don't you get it Shizuo? They tortured him, mercilessly tortured him, we found things that quite frankly I never want to repeat again in my entire life! So imagine how he will feel when he wakes up! These memories are _**NEVER**_ going to go away for him Shizuo, he's going to have awful scarring, both physically and mentally, in respect Izaya did in a way die tonight, sure he's still breathing, but you know as well as I that he will never be the same."

Hearing the shouts Celty came rushing from around the corner worry evident as she lightly touched Shinra's arm, flinching back when he yanked said arm away and walked back into the room.

Feeling an unstoppable wash of rage at the man's retreating back Shizuo growled, and turning he punched the wall, feeling it crack underneath the force; as Shinra's words kept ringing in his head...'Izaya was never going to be the same...'

Seeing something out of the corner of his eye, Shizuo flinched before turning, sighing when he saw Celty's PDA; [Shizuo...I'm not saying this to make you angry but]

Pulling it back she wiped the screen and rapidly began typing again before holding it up

[Maybe this would be a good chance to...start again with Izaya?]

Reading the words Shizuo frowned, but he didn't feel anger from them...instead he nodded slowly.

"Maybe...it would be for the best..."

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><p><strong>I'm sorry ;_; it's so choppy and too quick to the point and bleh -3- writers block sucks yes? (<strong>_**Is going to re-write this when it finally goes T_T**_**)**

**also you may be all like WTF one minute its saying there is lightning, but it never says there is a storm; well…the idea is to make you as the reader feel like Shizuo does ^_^ confused and not being able to take in the things around you .**

**Also the mirror bit came from a movie I watched with my Nan years ago xD**


	3. Chapter 3

**And here's chapter 3 =3 College is sucking all my free time away...so sorry if this is a bit choppy, I kept thinking "I have homework I should be doing now" and couldn't concentrate =3=**

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><p>The next morning came with relentless cruelty as the rays that should bring most joy, brought moans from a certain blonde haired man as he lay sprawled on the too small for his size sofa; Bringing his previously hanging left arm up he slung it over his face.<p>

He really disliked mornings for this reason…rolling over onto his other side he sighed; now he could feel the heat on his back…he would never get back to sleep now, he hated the sun in his face, and he hated its heat on his back…he was stuck in a catch twenty two and he couldn't be bothered to fight it.

Sitting up he stretched his stiff muscles not even wincing when loud cracks rang throughout the room; he heard them every morning…breaking every bone in your body at least twice came with some consequences after all.

Scanning the room he found himself alone, Shinra and Celty where probably still in bed; well maybe not Shinra, but Celty more than likely…sighing he shook his head, waking himself up a bit more.

Looking towards the guest room door, Shizuo clenched his fists; a part of him wanted to know if the flea was still alive, but the other part, mainly his pride told him to just go home and forget this ever happened…

"Ah Shizuo, good morning, did you sleep well?"

Hearing the voice Shizuo turned eying the underground doctor with an unreadable expression before nodding slowly, then angling his head to the side a bit he seemed to be in thought of his words; "So is the pest still hanging on like the cockroach he is?"

The question seemed to throw Shinra back a bit, not that Shizuo was surprised, the way he acted last night was totally out of character, so now it needed to be set straight.

"Well it's nice to see you're back to your old self, but yes, he's still breathing. Gave us a couple of scares last night, but nothing too serious; he's actually stabilized really quickly considering how close to death he was…"

Nodding in understanding, Shizuo couldn't help the smirk; he knew that flea was too damn stubborn to just give up and die like that.

"Well if he's going to be okay, I'll be taking my leave."

With that the blonde began walking towards the door, only to stop when he felt something wrap around his torso, turning he frowned; Celty's shadows…

"If you want money for this, don't look at me…the fleas got cash…give him the bill."

Shaking his head Shinra chuckled nervously, as he tugged at his collar.

"Well actually, the bill isn't my worry here…my worry is that…well during the night Izaya woke up; and he was quite aware of his surroundings, which makes me think this was a genuine question…but he asked if you were here, and well when I said yes, he wanted to know if he could see you…I told him tomorrow, well today-" "You what!"

Wincing at the tone of Shizuo's voice, Shinra quickly cowered behind Celty, feeling safety in her smoke.

"Please Shizuo…you where the one who saved him…I think he just wants to know you're still here…I'm not a psychiatrist, but I think, he looks to you as a safety net…I'm not saying you have to suddenly go all best friends or anything…just friend would probably do…please."

Grinding his teeth Shizuo had to fight the urge of finding and uprooting the nearest vending machine so he could throw it through the doctor's apartment, but looking at Celty and remembering what she said to him the night before, he stiffly nodded his head; god he needed a smoke…

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><p>"And remember not to shout at him, if he spaces out on you…don't get stressed, just give him time, and if he starts showing signs of pain, come and get me, I want to keep him as comfortable as I can, and if he needs to go to the bathroom, he'll tell you; he only has two intravenous lines in his arms, so just put the bags over your shoulders and pick him up…he'll need help, but you're both guys so I'm sure it won't be a problem."<p>

By now Shizuo could feel that annoying little vein popping up again, what was he, the fleas freaking nurse?

"Okay Shinra, I get it…can I just get this over with…"

Smile in place, Shinra nodded vigorously before happily waving Shizuo off as he made his way to the room; and the flea…

Placing his hand on the door handle, he took a quick deep breath to calm himself before pulling down said handle and pushing the door open; it took him a little while to adjust to the darkened room, but it didn't bother Shizuo, the less he could see of the flea the happier he would be.

"_Shin-ra_…?"

Hearing the voice that was no louder than a mouse's squeak Shizuo raised a confused brow; since when did Izaya speak like that?

"Sorry flea, wrong person. And if you expect me to hear you, you'll need to speak up."

He was met with silence for a little while, before finally; "_Shi-zu-o…?_"

Leaning back in the chair, the blonde sighed then shook his head; if the flea was going to talk so quietly, he wouldn't be able to guarantee his patience…

"Izaya I can barely hear you."

He was met with silence, well if you ignored the rustling of the bed sheets, he was really getting pissed off now…he was just about to voice his thoughts and make his exit when a rather bright light was pushed into his face.

Blinking he leaned back a bit, raising a brow when he recognised the fleas phone; taking the hint he began reading the text.

[I'm sorry, Shizuo…but I can't speak much at the moment…Shinra's orders.]

It sort of hit home reading that…Izaya had, had his throat slit…of course he wouldn't be able to speak for a little while…damn now he felt like a total ass.

"Sorry…I forgot about your throat…so, well…how are you feeling? You where quite a mess last night…"

Pulling back the phone Izaya began fiddling with the bed sheets, it took a while, but eventually he did begin typing up a reply;

_[_**I feel…numb. Shinra tested one of his new drugs on me, and well since then I've felt tired, but there's been no pain…**_]_

Nodding Shizuo put on a small smile; "Well that must be a good thing right? I think you'd be complaining more If you where in pain."

Nodding Izaya leaned back into the pillows, dropping his arm to his side he let the small black phone slip out of his hand, sleep was tugging at him once more, lulling him into its gentle embrace…but they were in his dreams…he didn't want to see them again…looking away he began biting his lip, he wanted to tell Shizuo…tell him he was scared and that he needed some comfort, but Shizuo would never give it to him…if anything he would just laugh…

"Hey Izaya…what exactly happened last night…I mean, it's not like you to get caught…did they have something over you or something?"

Suddenly the air in the room went tense, looking at Izaya, Shizuo's gaze remained firm and it seemed the smaller man could feel this as his body shook slightly; but Shizuo refused to back down and let the flea slide away from this, he wanted to know, and he was going to find out.

"Look, I'm not asking you to tell me every little thing they did to you, just appearance or names would suffice. You tell me, I'll find them and get some revenge."

Finally the brunet picked up his phone, his hands were shaking terribly so typing was proving hard for him, but Shizuo could wait, heck they had all day.

_[_**Shizuo…please…I don't want to think about this…**_]_

Growling Shizuo fisted his trousers he was about to lose it he could see the red tinge of rage forming….then Shinra's annoying voice rang through his head _'Don't lose your temper.'_ Easier said than fucking done! Closing his eyes he took a deep breath to calm himself before attempting once more to reason with the brunet.

"I understand you're scared Izaya, which is why I want to eradicate the thing or in this case things, that scare you. Now just give me names and I will sort them out."

"_Shizuo…please…"_

Noticing the crack in the boys voice, Shizuo looked towards Izaya's face, feeling all words of anger and revenge slipping away…he'd pushed too far, and now Izaya was the one having to suffer…

"Izaya…I'm sorry, I just…I get so angry whenever I think about someone hurting you…I just…" Sighing he lowered his head he had no idea what to say to stop the man's tears…god why was he such an insensitive ass at times?

Looking up he frowned…Izaya had turned onto his side and pulled the covers over his head…the message was clear enough, the conversation was now closed…sighing once more Shizuo stood and made his way to the door, but before he left he had one more thing to say; "I'll see you tomorrow Izaya…"

And with that he was gone; upon hearing the door close, Izaya pulled the covers down, not even bothering to wipe the tears from his eyes he simply stared at his phone…they were there…the names of the people who did this to him…he wrote them down…he just couldn't show the blonde...

After all, how could he trust the man whose sole purpose in life was to kill him…?

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><p><strong>Another chapter done and done =) next chapter will have a bit more communication between Izaya and Shizuo ;3<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Bleh, warning massive pile of shit 2 lines below. **

It had just gone 1pm by the time Shizuo arrived home, and to say he was hungry would be that of an understatement, the entire journey home he had tried to stay focused on the matter; i.e. Izaya, but all he could think about was filing his empty stomach…

And fill it he did, he usually hated ramen, but it was that or nothing, and before the man knew it he was three pots less and surprisingly content with his meal, anything is good when you're starving…tossing the bowl in the sink he began clicking his tongue, a common thing for him when he was alone…

Looking around his apartment living area he frowned, now what? He was a bit tired, but he knew if he went to bed now he would be up till 3am...and he didn't fancy going out again…

Shaking his head he decided to sit down and watch TV, there was rarely anything on that interested him, but it was TV or call Tom and offer to work on his day off, which was so not going to happen anytime soon.

Settling down on his heavily abused sofa he began flicking through the channels, which considering he only had 15 didn't take long…and in the end none of them interested him, but Ninja Warrior usually proved amusing, he often imagined how well Izaya would do on there…well okay he usually imagined him when the person fell or hurt their selves, but it was the same thing right?

Craning his head back he began lightly tapping it on his sofa, he was so bored and it wasn't even 2pm yet, this was going to be one painful day…

_Beep, beep, beep, beep_

Frowning at the familiar sound and feeling, Shizuo reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, eyeing the small vibrating device with curiosity he flipped it open and held it to his ear; "Hello?"

"_Shizuo what the hell did you do!"_

Pulling the phone from his ear Shizuo growled his grip tightening as he did so.

"What the fuck are you talking about Shinra?"

The tone in his voice was that of sheer rage and annoyance, and if the doctor knew better he wouldn't have pushed it, but unknown to the blonde, the bespectacled man was just as angry as he was at the time.

"_Don't give me that Shizuo! Izaya, what did you say to him?"_

Eyes widening in remembrance of their "chat" Shizuo swore quietly under his breath…he should have known his words would have an effect on the brunet…

"I…I just asked him a few…questions…is he okay?"

God did it pain him to swallow his pride and ask that…did he really care if the flea was okay? Eyes cast downwards he found himself fighting with his minds answer, and his hearts inner feelings…

"_Shizuo…he asked me to kill him." _"What!" _"He said he'd rather die than live with the memories of those people…apparently whatever you said brought to the surface how severely they hurt him. You really need to learn to think before you speak, Izaya isn't like you Shizuo!" _

"What you're saying is he's not a monster!" _"That's not what I mean and you know it Shizuo! For Christ's sake, you're still as emotionally naïve as you where in high school!"_

Grinding his teeth Shizuo's grip on his phone increased once more causing small cracks to emit from it, it was going to break if he didn't hang up soon…

"Alright then I'll come back!"

"_Don't you think you've done enou-" _Shizuo didn't even let the doctor finish speaking as he pressed the end call button; he wasn't in the mood to hear his lectures, growling some obscurities he thrust the device back into his pocket and stormed out the door.

_Izaya POV_

What's with them all…why is it so hard for them to understand the simple fact that I'm tired of living… ever since I woke up last night, images of them have been haunting me…wrapping invisible wires around me and dragging me into their dark abyss where the actions replay, over and over and over each time as real as the first…then there's the pain…oh god it's unbearable…I told Shizuo nothing hurt…but that was mostly to get off the subject, really, was it too much to ask for just a nice conversation that didn't relate to what had happened?

Obviously it was…

Turning my head ever so slightly I frowned, Celty hadn't moved from my side since I asked Shinra to kill me…which of course he blatantly refused. He wouldn't kill me…not after the hours he spent keeping me alive, I wanted to tell him to leave me back at Shizu-chans place…but I couldn't get any words out, freaking typical…I usually use words to save my life, now I needed them to end it and they failed me…

Was this karma finally getting back at me for all the shit I've done to people?

Moving my hand towards my phone I inwardly scoffed, though she tried to hide it, I saw Celty's "gaze" turn towards my arm…what did she think I was going to do? I couldn't raise my arm higher than my head and I was lying down!

Picking up the small device I placed it on my stomach, using my other arm to hold it up as I typed a message, finishing I sighed and showed it to the headless woman.

[Why won't he just let me die?]

The air in the room went tense at this as Celty's smoke flow changed, she didn't even bother taking out her PDA just simply took my phone and wiped the message before placing it on the table beside my bed leaving me guessing she wasn't in the mood to talk about such matters…well to bad for her, I wasn't going to give up…

"_Celty…please…you…you don't, understand…everything hurts…" _

At this she pulled out her PDA and began typing…

[Seriously Izaya, if you're being this stubborn about dying whilst so badly hurt, I know you're not ready to die.]

It was simple, it was blunt…it was the truth…a part of him wanted to live, wanted to move on…but then there was a large part of him looming like a shadow telling him death was the only cure…and for some reason he believed it…

"Shizuo please, this really isn't the right way to go about this!"

Shizuo…? That was all the warning I got before the door burst open and the blonde brute stormed in, his near feral eyes landing on me instantly he frowned; Shinra was right behind him of course, apparently trying to change his protozoan mind on whatever the hell he wanted to do…

Breaking eye contact I sighed and slowly turned onto my side, hissing as a sharp pain shot down both of my legs, I didn't know how much more of this I could stand…and unbeknownst to me, it was about to get a lot worse…

It happened so fast, I felt a slight tug on my shoulder then before I knew it my face was mere inches away from Shizuo's…nice to see him in such a happy mood…

"Alright flea…you and I are going to have a little heart to heart, and I'm not leaving this room till your fucked up little mind has gone far away from the thought of suicide, got it?"

All I could do was nod, his grip was sending extreme pain to almost all of my nerves and it was beginning to make me feel sick…

"Good" With that he let me go causing a groan to leave my lips as my injuries rattled…

"_How….how did you find….that out…?"_

_NORMAL POV_

Finally gaining some confidence Shinra pushed himself in-between the two men a frown on his face as he turned towards Izaya;

"I told you not to talk. You're going to do permanent damage if you're not careful." He then looked at Shizuo "Will you please keep in mind he is badly hurt, I don't mind you talking to him, but keep your temper in check, don't hit him, push him, pull him, say anything stupid and above all else _**don't**_ let him speak."

"_Can…you give me my-"_

"IZAYA what part of no speaking don't you get!"

"_Phone…_

Rubbing the bridge of nose with his thumb and forefinger Shinra sighed as he took the phone of the side and handed it to the brunet before walking out of the room with Celty in tow.

_**[How did you know about the suicidal thoughts?]**_

Izaya wasted no time in cutting to the chase, and for some reason that made Shizuo smile, even when beaten half to death Izaya was still well…Izaya.

"Shinra phoned me and told me what you said" Shaking his head in a sigh the blonde flopped onto the chair Celty had previously acquired "Izaya, I really fucking hate you, but for now, I'm going to play the friend role, so talk…uh type to me…just explain how you feel and I'll help you get through this…"

They sat there for what felt hours, Izaya made no move to type and Shizuo was slowly losing his patience…

"I'm going for a smoke"

Standing Shizuo went to walk out, only to have Izaya reach out and grab the back of his shirt, turning with a grimace, Shizuo practically growled out a what, at first Izaya looked away a blush on unusually pale skin, but after a bit of pondering he began typing;

**[Shizu-chan, to be honest with you, you could give me all the paper in the world and I still wouldn't be able to fully explain to you how I feel right now.]**

"Well…start by listing how you feel, then we'll go down the list and find out why then fix it…if that makes sense"

Putting on a grim smile Izaya began typing once more; **[You make it sound so easy…]**

Smiling Shizuo brought up a hand and placed it on Izaya's head, much like he used to do with his brother…

"If you don't try, how will you know?"

Sighing Izaya nodded in agreement; **[I feel…dirty, used, hated, forgotten, pathetic, stupid, ugly, scared, but most of all I feel like the world's biggest disgrace to mankind.]**

Eyes widening Shizuo's grip on his trousers tightened; god he needed a smoke so badly…he wasn't sure he'd keep his cool during this discussion without one…but could he really walk out on the man now?

No…

"Okay, dirty, well Shinra didn't tell me everything they did to you, but I can assure you Izaya, if you come out with injuries like these, you didn't want it, so you're not dirty and I don't want you thinking you are."

**[That's easy for you to say Shizuo…you weren't there, you don't know what happened…] **

"Then tell me."

At this Izaya's eyes widened and he had to break eye contact before he showed Shizuo just how weak he felt at the moment…

**[Leave me alone...] **

With that he turned onto his side once more, he was being childish and he knew it, but…he didn't want to talk about this, not yet…not when it still hurt so much.

"Izaya please…don't turn away from me, how can I help you if you won't let me try?"

Shaking his head Shizuo sighed before standing, he wasn't going to waste time with the flea, however before he could make it to the door soft whimpers caught his ear, turning he almost choked on the saliva in his mouth; Izaya was crying…not just small streams either, this was full blown tears and Shizuo guessed if his throat was intact he'd be sobbing uncontrollably…

"Izaya…what the hell did they do to you?"

Walking back to the bed, Shizuo knelt down and began wiping the tears from Izaya's face; "Do you want a hug?" the question was awkward, but he was glad he was able to ask it…but when Izaya nodded he felt himself pale, now what?

Sitting on the edge of the bed he gently placed his hands under the man's arm he pulled him forward, then turning slightly he placed the man on his chest and wrapped his arms gently around him.

"_Thanks…Shizu…chan."_

"Hey, Shinra said no talking Flea." Chuckling, Izaya placed his head under Shizuo's chin, a small sigh escaping his lips as he relaxed into the warm chest; this was the best he had felt in the last 2 days…he didn't want it to end, but deep down he knew…once this was over, it would be like it never happened…

**Well that was the biggest load of shit I have ever written =D **

**I had a whole other file, but thanks to my net book being a twat, it deleted all my word doc files, I looked everywhere and they're gone -3- so this will have to do.**


	5. Chapter 5

**And we're back with chapter 5! This is a bit short, so please don't kill me xD its not to good either, but I wrote it with a headache ;;**

* * *

><p>Feeling under Izaya's neck, Shinra hummed in question, he was having a hard time deciding whether Izaya was healing or not…some parts felt good, others felt like they had yet to even begin knitting back together…<p>

"Well…considering it's only been 3 days, I guess this is as good as we could hope…open your mouth for me."

Nodding, Izaya opened his mouth; wincing when he felt Shinra shove a wooden stick over his tongue.

"Good, it's still a bit red, but I think I have some soothers you can take with the pain meds; other than that, your throat looks pretty good and I think…you can start talking a bit now; not a lot though, if it starts to really hurt, stop."

Nodding Izaya sighed and raised a heavily bandaged hand to rub his throat, damn Shinra; it wasn't bothering him before he began prodding it…now it ached.

"Okay, I need to have a look at the incisions on your chest and abdomen next."

Izaya glared at Shinra for a good ten minutes, before he finally nodded, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips as he did so, it was proving hard to keep the brunets trust levels up…but thankfully Shinra had the patience of a god when it came to treating people…even if he did prefer treating strange things, then again Izaya was hardly ordinary…

"_Shizu-chan…could you…turn around" _A mental cheer occurred for Izaya at this point, he spoke and Shinra hadn't bollocked him for it! One point in his favour~

"Izaya hate to tell you this, but I saw everything before Shinra patched you up."

Izaya seemed to glower for a bit before finally letting out a groan of defeat as he mumbled out a little you win; with that said, Shinra began unbuttoning his shirt and peeling away the heavy duty bandages.

"I must say Izaya, considering it's only been three days, your mental stability is quite impressive, maybe a little bit too impressive, so are you going to tell me this is all an act, or am I going to have to force it out of you?"

Stepping towards the doctor a bit Shizuo growled raising his fist; "Shinra that's enough!"

"No Shizuo, Izaya you may be fooling everyone else, and maybe even yourself, but you're sure as hell not fooling me, I treated every wound on your body, I know what those people did to you, and I know that not even you, could just push it away this easily."

Looking at Izaya's face Shizuo felt something twist painfully inside of him, the young brunet looked as though he was about to cry again…but then just like that a glare appeared and his lip rose in a silent snarl; "Shut the fuck up!"

The sudden strength in his voice was quite impressive, but what Shizuo found impressive, Shinra found concerning…the blonde would never understand Shinra's mind…

"To obtain such a strongly emotive response proves my theory…so starting tomorrow, you will be seeing a therapist…don't give me that look, I'm not leaving you to deal with this on your own, I've heard of too many suicide cases over these things…and I'll be damned if I lose you to something as pathetic as suicide!"

Sighing Shinra pushed his bangs out of his face; a gentle smile lighting up his eyes as he lowered his arm, now the lecture was off his chest he could finish his check up and leave both men in peace.

"Well let's finish this check up shall we?" Watching Izaya nod, Shinra's smile grew "I'm going to do a proper examination of your legs later tomorrow; I want to get a few follow up X-rays to see how well they're healing, you may also need further surgery on them…"

Shinra knew he wasn't going to get much of a response; he expected a strong response, but nothing like that…so chances where high Izaya would be sulking over a very sore throat for the rest of the day…

* * *

><p>"Okay, all done, everything seems to be healing nicely, just need to keep an eye on that lower abdominal incision, if it starts to hurt more than the others tell someone, don't just ignore it."<p>

Nodding Izaya's eyes flickered to Shizuo, before back to Shinra; raising his hand he motioned him inwards so he could whisper something…

* * *

><p>"No Izaya, I'm going to check that along with your legs…and don't worry about it too much, I'm going to sedate you tomorrow, so you won't remember. Okay?"<p>

Giving another slight nod to the doctor, Izaya sighed; the answer and after motion causing Shizuo's confusion to grow….but he wouldn't question on it, if Izaya felt the need to whisper to Shinra, it was obviously because he didn't want him to know.

Hearing the phone ring 3 sets of eyes moved to look at the door, then two of the sets looked to Shinra who was smiling sheepishly; "I better get that, Celty should be bringing you both breakfast soon~"

And just like that he was gone…

"Hey, you okay?"

Looking towards Shizuo, Izaya nodded slowly before sighing and leaning back into the pillows; _"Shouting…not the greatest idea….ai?"_

Chuckling, Shizuo shook his head; "Maybe not, but I understand why you did it…"

"_Yeah…stupid doctor…but at least he has common sense…"_

"What, you think what he said was a good idea?" _"Fuck no…just glad he has common sense….to not piss around with my legs…while I'm awake." _At this Shizuo mouthed out an "oh" before sitting down on the chair he was sure would forevermore have his ass's shape printed on it.

"They hurt pretty badly huh?" _"You have no idea…it feels like they're still…smacking them with crowbars and bats…every second of the day."_

Eyes widening, Shizuo felt anger seep into his head….'crowbars and bats….they dare hit my flea with crowbars and bats…'

"I'll kill them…I'll fucking murder them all…"

Hearing this Izaya smiled; _"Don't worry yourself over them…Shizu-chan…I've already planned my revenge…I'll teach them not to fuck with an informant, especially…an informant of the Yakuza."_

Smiling Shizuo gently ruffled Izaya's hair, it finally felt like he was getting the old Izaya back; "That's my flea." Realising what he said a bit to late Shizuo blushed and looked away, only to peek a look at the informant to find him also blushing…how to put your foot in things.

"_Shizu-chan…don't kill me for this….but will you kiss me?"_

The look on Shizuo's face must have been priceless, he was shocked speechless, but without thinking he nodded and before long their lips where mere millimetre's apart, and just about to touch before…

"IZA-NII!"

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><p><strong>Lol Shizaya denied xD and I think we all know the culprits xD<strong>

**Sorry this is so short, but I wanted to get this chapter up xD**


	6. Chapter 6

**Quickest update yet I do believe xDD **

**Sorry it's not very good ;_; I thank you all for the reviews though ;-: makes me so happy that people like this TT^TT**

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><p>Izaya didn't know how to react, one minute; he was about to get his first kiss from Shizuo, then the next thing he knew he was being clung too and screamed at to not die...did he really look like he was about to croak?<p>

…

Well...maybe he did, but still seriously...

_"Mairu...Kururi...shut up I'm not going to die..."_

Looking up at their brother, both girls smiled and pulled back causing Izaya to pale, those smiles never meant anything good...

"Shizu-chan, could we have some alone time with our brother please~"

Looking at Izaya, Shizuo gave a what can I do shrug, before getting up and leaving the room; Izaya's glare baring into his back the entire way...damn protozoan!

_"Okay...what do you really want?"_

Stepping forward, Mairu pointed her index finger at him, just narrowly missing his nose as he pulled back a bit.

"We found out were not in your will! Seriously Iza-nii you have so much money and a huge house! Who're you going to leave it all too if you die? what if the government took it!"

Sighing Izaya rolled his eyes, of course...screw me, and think of the money...hmm

_"I'm leaving it...to my cat."_

Mairu's face blanked at this...his cat?

"Your cat...YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAT!"

_"Oh but I do" _chuckled the informant _"He's this bad tempered...blonde tabby who seems to hate everyone on...first appearance, but deep down he has a very soft side...I couldn't think of leaving my stuff to anyone other than him."_

At this Mairu's confident stare fell and before long the puppy dog eyes came out along with the crocodile tears...

"I can't believe you'd cut your own sisters out of your will for a cat! Iza-nii is mean!"

As she said this she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and rubbing her face against his;

_"Mairu...don't touch me"_ The venom in his voice could match that of a thousand cobra's as he glared at the girl

Pulling back Mairu placed both hands on her hips and huffed her disapproval; "Geez Iza-nii, you act as if you've been raped."

"GET OUT NOW!"

"Iza-nii, ok?" (Iza-nii, are you okay?)

_"Just go away...please...go..."_

Sending a glare towards her twin Kururi gently took her brothers hand in her own, only for him to yank it away and cover his face as he shook, silent tears rolling down his face.

"Iza-nii...I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" "Visiting time is over girls, I think your brothers taken as much as he can stand for now." "But, Shinra!"

Seeing the man's glare Mairu stopped her protests; "I didn't mean to..."

Taking both girls hands in his, Shinra began leading them out of the room, only for Shizuo to go on the attack the moment the door to the bedroom closed.

"What happened?"

Looking up at Shizuo, Shinra smiled nervously; "Ah you know how it is, the old sibling love hate relationship-" "I know they said something! Izaya wouldn't shout like that for nothing, especially with his throat!"

Stepping up to Shizuo, Mairu sighed; "It's my fault Shizu-chan...I said something I shouldn't have, and...it upset him..."

"What did you say?" Flinching at the obvious growl in his voice, Mairu had to make the quick decision to either make a run for it with her sister as usual, or tell Shizuo and face his temper...well she deserved it at the moment...

"I...I gave him a hug, and he told me to let go in a really mean tone...so I got all pissy and asked what his problem was...he was acting like he'd been raped-"

That was all Mairu got out before Shizuo stormed past her and into the bedroom.

Slumping Mairu sighed; "I was only joking around...I didn't think he'd react in that way..."

Placing his hand on Mairu's shoulder, Shinra gave her a gentle smile; "Shizuo will help him...come on, I'll get you both something to eat and drink."

Nodding both girls followed Shinra down the hall to his kitchen.

* * *

><p>"Izaya...Izaya are you okay?"<p>

The brunet remained unmoving; it was as though Shizuo wasn't even there...sighing he walked over to the bed and sat down; "Izaya, can you hear me?"

More silence, leaning in, Shizuo frowned, Izaya's eyes where wide open his pupils dilated as he stared at the wall while his hands fisted his hair...this was beginning to worry the blonde now; raising a hand he went to touch him, only to have Izaya's hand shoot down and grab his.

_"Don't fucking touch me! I hate you! You weren't there...I hate you!"_

Frown deepening Shizuo stood, his looming height causing Izaya to shrink back, fear filling his previously angered eyes; _"Don't...don't hurt me...please...I'm sor-"_

He was cut off by Shizuo wrapping his arms around him, at first he stiffened and tried to push him away, but before long he ran out of energy and just slumped into Shizuo's embrace crying.

"It's okay...if you show me you can be human...I will show you, I can be too..."

A few hours later had Izaya sound asleep in Shizuo's arms as the man continued to unconsciously stroke his hair, Mairu's words had hurt him a lot that much was obvious...and it caused Shizuo a lot of concern as to why...Shinra hadn't told him everything...and now, he wanted to know.

Setting Izaya down gently onto the pillows he smiled softy as he covered him with the blanket before leaving the room.

* * *

><p>"Shinra, you and I need to talk."<p>

Sighing Shinra stood and led the way to his "office" area, closing and locking the door behind them; "I had a feeling you'd ask me this sooner or later...so to save you the breath, the answer is yes."

Shizuo stood silent for a long time, head down towards the floor, fists clenched and shaking.

"I'll kill them...I'll fucking kill them all! No one, but me touches him!"

Before Shinra could respond his door was off the wall and being thrown down the hall before Shizuo stormed out of the house; he was going to get revenge...he was going to make them suffer like they made Izaya...that was a fucking promise!

* * *

><p><strong>And with this I believe I have reached the first big milestone =D Mairu didn't mean wrong, she's just being Mairu =W=; She doesn't seem like the one to ask "are you okay" or "What happened" xD<strong>

**Shizzy's gonna kick some butt next chapter 8D**

**Thanks for reading~**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the wait, I had a lot of college work to catch up on due to being ill…**

**And also, I found out a fascinating fact, I don't have writers block since I know what I want to write, I'm having trouble writing because I don't talk to people enough; so my brain has a hard time remembering how to structure sentences…and here I was thinking I'm going mental…so the moral to this story…talking can be a good thing…**

**Now enough random rambles from a bored as hell loser =w=**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>x

Looking out the window Shinra sighed deeply as he dried the dishes; it had been three days since Shizuo stormed out of his house in a blind rage, and three days since he had heard from the man…

He knew he shouldn't, but…he couldn't help worrying about the blonde…it would take a lot to kill him, so he was definitely alive, but…even Shizuo could get injured and right now that seemed like a high probability…

Sighing once more he threw the towel on the counter and turned, just in time to see Celty walking towards him, her shadow going haywire from stress as she typed frantically on her PDA…

'Not again…'

[I give up Shinra, I can't get him to eat anything…he even said no to fatty tuna!]

Nodding, Shinra rubbed his forehead; he was seriously running out of ideas on how to make the man eat…the past three days all he had was some water and a few mouthfuls of rice…and that was obviously not suffice for someone in his condition.

"I'll have a word with him…he isn't going to get better this way."

* * *

><p>Walking into the room Shinra frowned, he knew Izaya was depressed by Shizuo's sudden disappearance, but it was beginning to get ridiculous now…he was going to kill himself at the rate he was going…<p>

"Izaya I think we need to talk."

As expected he didn't get a response, the brunet just remained lying on his side unconsciously playing with his hair his eyes looking at nothing in particular.

"Izaya please, will you just look at me…" again nothing…clenching his fist, Shinra had to take a deep breath to calm himself, he couldn't lose his temper now, not when he'd come so far building up the man before him trust…so instead he walked over and knelt in front of him a gentle smile masking his face.

"Do you miss Shizuo?"

Upon hearing the name, Izaya looked at the doctor before giving a light nod to which Shinra did a mental fist pump at, one hurdle cleared.

"If I could get him to come here, would you eat something for me?"

Again another nod, this was going better than he thought it would…heck while he was on such a good role, now would be a good time to ask some pestering questions…

"Izaya tell me, do you remember who you are, or who you used to be?"

"_A coward…"_

That wasn't the answer he was expecting at all…he really thought he would say an informant or something…

"Why…why do you say that?" _"You already know the answer Shinra…I don't need to tell you…"_

Well he did have an idea, but he didn't really want to voice it in-case it upset him again…but they say the first step to recovery is acceptance…so…

"Do you feel that way because you couldn't fight them off?" a small nod was the only reply and that was all Shinra needed to continue…

"Izaya, you're not a coward…heck you're the only person I know whose brave enough to take on Shizuo! That's pretty impressive if you ask me-" _"Maybe, but that didn't help me with them did it…" _

"Izaya…look, what they did was horrible, but I know you're strong enough to move on from this. You have Celty and me behind you, and you also have Shizuo now…we're here to catch you when you fall, remember that…"

With that said Shinra stood and began making his way out of the room, only for Izaya's voice to stop him; _"Where are you going?" _

Turning back to the brunet, Shinra gave him a sheepish grin; "ah sorry, um I'm just going to try and call Shizuo again, if I can get him to answer his goddamned phone, I'll let you talk to him, sound good?"

Seeing the small nod Shinra chuckled before leaving the room and made his way down the hall, Celty rushing over to him the moment he entered the living room; [Well, how did it go? I didn't hear any shouting so…]

"It went fine, he just misses Shizuo is all…who would've thought a day would come when I'd say that huh?"

[They're getting closer…and as terrible as it is, maybe this happening was in a way for the best…if they can get on with each other, the violence in Ikebukuro will decrease immensely, after all…Izaya was responsible for 80% of it.]

"Yeah…maybe you're right, well anyway…I told him I was going to try and phone Shizuo, so wish me luck."

[Good luck.]

* * *

><p>Sitting on his bed Shinra took a deep breath before pressing the call button next to Shizuo's number before holding the phone to his ear, it rang for what felt an eternity, but just as Shinra was about to end the call the ringing stopped and Shizuo's voice greeted him; "Hey Shinra…"<p>

Feeling his eye twitch, Shinra was half tempted to scream at the man, but for some reason he didn't have the heart too, something about Shizuo's voice was off and it was slightly unnerving…

"Hey Shizuo…is everything okay?"

"Shinra…I've done something really bad…" Frowning, Shinra couldn't stop the image of Shizuo standing over several dead bodies from entering his mind…

After all that was a high possibility

"Look Shizuo, whoever you've "done" we can sort out okay; there are loads of things you can do to get rid of it…"

Hearing the man growl Shinra stopped talking; "I haven't killed anyone Shinra…I almost did, but then…Izaya was right all along, I am a monster…"

"What do you mean Shizuo…what happened?"

The line was silent for ages, before finally, Shizuo cracked and a loud smashing sound filled the doctor's ears…

"Shizuo…?"

"_Everything is my fault…the reason Izaya's hurt is my fault…"_

"Shizuo, speak up I can barely hear you…"

"Shinra, I'm the reason those guys got Izaya! I knocked him out without realising I had and…and just left him…I could have stopped them, but…I didn't…"

For the longest time, Shinra didn't know how to reply, he never thought he'd be put in the predicament he currently found himself in…he didn't want to blame Shizuo since he was a friend, but Izaya was also his friend and he was going to suffer from this for the rest of his life…then came the biggest worry…

What would Izaya do when he found out? But then again, what would he do if Shizuo just vanished without a word as to why?

"Shizuo…I think you need to come here, and just continue from where you left…I highly doubt Izaya will remember you knocking him out so just act like it never happened…he needs you Shizuo, you can't just drop him now-" "He already remembers Shinra! That day with Mairu…he said he hated me because I wasn't there…don't you see? He already knows…I'm sorry Shinra, but right now…I can't face him…"

Sighing Shinra closed his eyes; this was not going well…Shizuo could be stubborn as hell at times…

"Well, will you at least talk to him for me, tell him you've had to go away for a little while…he needs something from you to cling on to Shizuo, these last three days have been hell, for all of us. Please, just talk to him for 5 minutes…"

"Shinra, I can't…tell him I'm sorry, but this is goodbye…"

And with that the line went dead; standing Shinra threw his phone to the floor swearing loudly as he did so, he couldn't believe this…sure Shizuo had his points as to why he didn't want to, but if he really cared as much as he said he did he would've at least spoken to Izaya! two minutes, that's all it would have taken!

"Shizuo you fucking bastard…"

* * *

><p>Sitting on his bed, Shizuo was a mess, one hand was fisting his hair, while the other held a shard of glass from his mothers now broken mirror…he was such a monster, he didn't deserve to live…he would never earn Izaya's forgiveness, it would be better for the both of them if he just disappeared…Izaya would be fine without him…<p>

Placing the shard over his wrist he began pressing down till blood dribbled down the sides, this was it…

* * *

><p><strong>(dodges flying knives and rocks)<strong>

**Will Shizu-chan kill himself? hmm I'm very, very tempted =w= it could make such a nice twist...**

**Tell me your opinions and you will find out next chapter~**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for such a nasty cliffie ;_; But here's the next chapter =3**

**Enjoy…I hope ;;**

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><p>Standing outside his brother's apartment, Kasuka frowned…something was up; Shizuo knew he was coming for a visit today, so why wasn't he answering the door…?<p>

Shrugging, he placed his hand on the knob and turned it, only feeling mildly surprised when it actually opened, but then again, Shizuo didn't seem like the type to bother with locks anyway…after all, who the hell would be dumb enough to break into his place?

Sighing he walked into the apartment and closed the door loudly behind him, always best to make yourself known with Shizuo…if he snuck in, he stood a high chance of a punch to the face.

Looking around his frown returned, no sign of his brother anywhere, and the only place left to check was his bedroom, walking towards the door Kasuka stopped, he could smell blood…and judging by how strong the smell was…there was a lot of it…

Without second thought Kasuka opened the door and rushed in, feeling what little colour he had in his face drain away at the sight; "Nii-san…"

Shaking his head, Kasuka bit his lip, towel he needed to find a towel to wrap around his arm to stop the bleeding…then…then a…first aid kid…yes, look for one of those…then call for help…

* * *

><p>Wrapping the towel around his brothers heavily bleeding wrist Kasuka frowned, he knew he wasn't going to be able to handle this alone, but he couldn't for the life of him remember Shizuo's doctor friends name…heck the only name he could think about was Izaya…<p>

Izaya…he probably had something to do with this…that bastard…

Pressing down on the towel, Kasuka's eyes widened as he heard a groan from his brother, looking up however, his face full of hope quickly fell, Shizuo was still unconscious and from the looks of things, didn't plan on waking up any time soon…

Whipping out his phone he quickly dialled a number, placing the phone to his ear using his shoulder to hold it, so his hands could keep the pressure on the cut; "Hello, Dr. Tanma…hi yeah, it's Yuuhei…huh, no it's not me it's my brother…he's got a pretty deep cut on his forearm that I think, will require stitches, and don't worry about the bill, I'll pay it…yes thank you…you should have the address next to mine…yeah emergency address…okay, thanks…see you soon…"

Taking his phone off his shoulder Kasuka sighed as he flipped it shut.

"Nii-san…You promised me and dad…on that day…that no matter how hard it gets…this wouldn't be the path you'd take…you promised…"

With that Kasuka let his tears flow, Shizuo was the only person who could bring out his emotions and the main reason he had to hide them in the first place…he hated him, but at the same time, loved him so much it hurt…

Looking around him he grimaced, a blood covered shard of glass and…his phone, reaching over, he picked up the orange and yellow device and flipped it open, eyes widening then falling into a glare as his lip rose in a snarl; [Shizu-chan…please come back soon, I really miss you….]

"Izaya…you bastard...I will never forgive you for this."

Typing up a reply he quickly sent it, then grabbing his brother by his good arm he placed him on his bed, before sitting next to him, by nature Kasuka was far from a spiteful person, but seeing his brother, then seeing that text…

Fuck he understood why Shizuo hated that guy so much now…

"Please hurry Tanma…"

* * *

><p>"Izaya, don't you want to say something to Boku-chan?"<p>

Glancing back at the woman Shinra hired to "help" him, Izaya sighed before averting his eyes to the wall again.

"_It's a sock with eyes glued on…so no."_

"Ah, but Boku-chan is a special sock, he's very good at keeping secrets, and he only tells people if they are a real danger to your health, but fear not, Boku-chan only tells people who can help."

Growling Izaya tried blocking out the woman's annoying voice, he was betting that 90% of her clients, that committed suicide, did so because of her….and he was beginning to see logic in their madness… her Japanese was awful for one thing, her voice high pitched and nasty, and seriously, was she a therapist or a street corner whore? He really could not tell.

When he was in a better position, he was going to make her life hell…that was a promise…

"_Look…Linda, I appreciate you trying to help…but I just want to be left alone…"_

The look on her face at his perfect English was rather amusing, but he wasn't in the mood for mocking her, instead he closed his eyes and tried to will sleep upon him…which considering he'd just woken up from a small unneeded in the first place cat nap, was proving near impossible…

"You know…you could have told me you spoke English before I embarrassed myself…but anyway, let's continue shall we; Shinra told me before I came in you'd been asleep, so you're not fooling anyone."

Groaning Izaya tried covering his head with one of the many pillows on the bed, but all she did was pull it away…damn woman.

"Boku-chan is waiting for your reply, Izaya. Boku-chan likes it when people talk to him."

"_Well how about I cut Boku-chan's tongue out Linda~ Forget it…I'm not talking to a sock."_

Sighing he pulled his phone out from under the covers and stared at it, he'd had nothing from Shizuo…he was beginning to get worried…

Pulling up a blank message he began tapping the letters on his phone; [Shizu-chan…please come back soon, I really miss you.]

Pressing send he sighed, he stood little chance of receiving an answer, but…he had to try…even if it was just to say he did…

He was just about to put his phone back under the pillow when it suddenly buzzed, smiling he opened the message from Shizuo…only for said smile to fall seconds after he finished reading the reply…

"_Shinra_…Shinra…SHINRA!"

Hearing the shouts, Shinra burst through the door and quickly walked over; "Izaya, what's the matter?" "Phone Shizuo; please just phone him…this has to be a lie…"

With that he thrust his phone into the doctor's hands; [I hope you're happy with yourself you bastard, my brother killed himself because of you!]

Eyes widening, Shinra nearly dropped the phone, this couldn't be right…he'd only spoken with Shizuo not even an hour ago…

"Linda, stay with him…I'm going to phone Shizuo's mobile, if it was Kasuka who sent this, he probably still has his phone…"

And with that said he was gone…

* * *

><p>Pacing the living room with his phone glued to his ear, Shinra bit his lip as it continued to ring; that text had to be a lie…Shizuo couldn't die that easily…he just couldn't…<p>

"Hello?"

"Kasuka? Kasuka, its Shinra…Shizuo's friend…"

The line was silent for a while before Kasuka made what Shinra suspected an approving hum…

"That text you just sent Izaya…please tell me you're joking…"

"I wasn't joking Shinra…Shizuo did try and kill himself, but I found him in time…he lost a lot of blood though…"

Frowning, Shinra couldn't decide whether he should thank all gods, or feel furious at the blonde's younger brother…

"Why did you do it Kasuka…? The text…you really upset Izaya…"

"Because that bastard has done nothing, but annoy and harass my brother for the last 8 years, and I'm sick of it. When Shizuo recovers I'm planning on leaving Ikebukuro with him, I want him to have a go at starting again without Izaya there to fuck things up."

"Kasuka…listen to me, there's something you need to know…"

For the next half hour, Shinra explained to Kasuka the happenings of the last couple of weeks, how Shizuo found Izaya, how he stayed with him, how they became friends, and how they are now what one could consider borderline lovers…and what Shizuo found out only days prior…

It was then the younger Heiwajima calmed down and returned to, as Shinra would call it, his normal mode…

"I see…well I'll keep you updated, the doctor I called is still with him, but he's pretty confident it's nothing too serious…"

"It would be much obliged Kasuka…"

"Kay, bye Shinra."

With that he hung up, Shinra following suit mere seconds after…

"Things are just going from bad to worse around here lately…"

[Shinra…?]

Turning, the bespectacled man smiled; "Ah Celty…I'm guessing you heard?"

Nodding the headless woman began typing on her PDA again; [Is it true…?]

Shaking his head with a sigh, Shinra smiled lightly; "no…it was a misunderstanding is all…but he did try to…well I guess it fits, after 8 years of hatred, love is going to be a hard thing for them both to conquer…but at least…this is a start…"

[Yeah…]

* * *

><p><strong>Wow…I know I say this every chapter and friends keep telling me to stop, but that was a heap of shit ;_; I only spent like half an hour writing it…I have so much catch up work to do, it's all the time I can afford to spend on this T^T<strong>

**I may have to take a small break from this fic, just till I'm a bit more settled with my college work…I've only been in like 3 full weeks since September due to illness, so I have a LOT to catch up on :C**

**If I have made any spelling/grammar errors or a sentence makes no sense, please let me know ;; Usually when I read a chapter over, as much as I think it sucks, it flows "nicely" in my head, and well this chapter doesn't I feel I really messed up on description...sorry T^T**


	9. Chapter 9

**Woot it's finally done! And it sucks =D**

* * *

><p>"Well Izaya…I never thought I'd say it, but you're completely healed…"<p>

Smirking as he pulled on his coat, Izaya turned to look at his old childhood friend; "well it just goes to show what a remarkable doctor you are Shinra."

Laughing, Shinra nervously scratched the back of his head as he continued to read the brunets medical results; "well I don't think you can say that Izaya…it took months…not to mention all the surgeries on yours legs…" "Don't I know it, but…I think I can see the end of this road now…back then…it felt so far away."

Looking up, Shinra frowned, though the man hid it well, Shizuo ditching him like he did hit him hard…even now he was underweight and his dreams where plagued by nightmares…he needed support, and not the kind he or Linda could give…he needed someone he trusted. Someone he loved…even if he did deny it…

"Are you going to try and find Shizuo?"

Hearing the name, Izaya froze, at one point his only aim was to get out of Shinra's place and find Shizuo, but now…after going so long without him, the brunet feared finding the blonde, he missed him, but he couldn't go back to how he was when the man was around…

Orihara Izaya was a feared informant, not a clingy mental case baby…

"No…I'm going to just return to how my life was before this…well, as much as I can anyway…"

"Izaya…"

"Shinra…please…don't…"

* * *

><p>"and remember to take it easy okay…your legs have healed, but they're still very weak…you'll get days where you're pain free, and days where you probably won't be able to get out of bed…when you get a day like that take one of these, it will take away the pain for up to eight hours, but they're strong so you can only take one every 24 hours. In other words, use it wisely."<p>

Taking the pills from Shinra, Izaya nodded slowly as he read the label; he'd never heard of this type of drug before; "This has been properly tested right?"

Laughing Shinra nodded enthusiastically; "Of course Izaya-kun, I'm hardly going to risk having you bedridden in my guest room for months on end again now am I?"

Chuckling, Izaya pocketed the pills, Shinra had a point, but he was always a bit edgy about taking medicine the underground doctor created…high school being the source of that distrust…

[Ah, Izaya you're leaving today?]

Turning towards Celty, Izaya nodded a small smirk on his face; "Yup, just on my way out the door now!~"

"Ah cool your jets for a second; we still have one more thing to discuss…"

Raising a brow, Izaya's hawk like eyes watched as Shinra left the room, only to return seconds after with a wheelchair…okay then…

"I want you to take this with you Izaya." "Wait…what?" Adjusting his glasses Shinra sighed, this was going to be painful on his ears…

"I don't like the idea of you putting too much strain on your legs just yet…even now, all you're doing is standing and your legs are shaking like a leaf…you won't be able to cope without one. I'm not saying it's permanent, just till we get your last surgery out of the way…"

Looking at the _thing_ Izaya couldn't help the frown, he was looking forward to just getting back to a semi-normal life…how the hell could he face clients with this…this thing, he had thoughts about not using it, and saying he did, but Shinra was right, standing alone was hard…clenching his fists and teeth he gave a stiff nod towards Shinra who smiled gently at him in return.

'That was easier than I thought it would be…'

* * *

><p>"Have a safe ride home, and I'll see you in a couple of weeks."<p>

Giving a brisk nod to the brunet, Izaya closed the door to Togusa's van, sighing in relief as the man pulled away from Shinra's apartment complex, it felt so good to be outside again…the last time he saw it was seven months ago…

"So Izaya…mind giving me directions to your place…I don't mind taking you, but I kind of need to know where it is I'm going first…."

Turning towards the brunet, Izaya sighed before muttering out his address, they sat in silence for a while after, Togusa keeping an eye on the road while Izaya stared out the window, seeming lost in his thoughts.

"So, first time out in quite some time…you must be pretty sick of whatever crap they were feeding you right?"

Shrugging, Izaya continued looking out the window; "I guess…the first few months was bland as hell, nothing but chicken, rice and watered down soup…but towards the end...it got better."

"Watered down soup?" the disbelief in his voice was rather amusing to the brunet as he chuckled softly, but those chuckles soon died as the van passed a very familiar sight…

"Speed up…" "Huh why…you in a hurry or something?" "Just speed up!"

Raising a brow at the man's odd behaviour Togusa reluctantly put his foot down on the vans accelerator, hoping to some god that nutcase police officer wasn't on patrol as he went over the speed limit; "Happy now?"

Nodding, Izaya sighed as he rested his head against the window; "Sorry…that place…it…it doesn't hold many good memories for me…"

"You've changed…" "What do you mean?" "Exactly what I said…you've changed…"

* * *

><p>You've changed…why did everyone keep saying that to him? Turning his head to the left he frowned, why was she still here…<p>

"Namie-san…I said you could go home nearly three hours ago…"

Stopping what she was doing the dark haired woman turned to her estranged boss, the normal stoic look on her face as she stood placing the duster on the side table; "Izaya…you've been in 'hospital' for the last seven months, I'm hardly going to just leave you the moment you get home."

Leaning back in his chair, Izaya frowned, so it was pity…

"Namie-san, don't waste your time for my sake…" "Izaya either be quiet or go to bed. It's obvious you're in some kind of mood, so maybe a good nap will sort it out."

Rolling his eyes the man sighed; "I would, but I can't get up stairs at this moment in time…"

"You have a guestroom down here, tell me what you need from your room and I'll get it for you."

He sat in silence for a while, pondering over the woman's offer, then finally he let out a small sigh followed by a nod; "my Pyjamas are in the top drawer in the cupboard on the left hand side of my bed…and left as in when you walk in, not when lying down…"

Nodding the woman made her way up the stairs leaving Izaya to think about things…things being mainly Shizuo of course…

'Shizu-chan…where are you…?"

* * *

><p>He tossed and he turned over and over again for what felt like hours, but he still couldn't get comfortable! This wasn't a bed; it was a block of concrete with a few blankets over it…<p>

Turning towards the brightly shining alarm clock he frowned; 2:48PM

God this day was going torturously slow…

Pulling back the covers he sat up, if he couldn't sleep, he may as well get some work done…climbing out of bed he hissed as sharp pain ran down his legs…something he would have to get used to…

Limping to the door he sighed sadly, he really wished Shizuo was with him, especially now when he needed someone to lean on, both physically and metaphorically…but, he had no idea where the man was…heck for all he knew, he could be dead…Kasuka never did update them on his condition…bastard…Shaking his head, he sighed before slowly opening the door wincing as sunlight hit him straight in his sensitive eyes; "Namie…I've decided we really need to get some blinds for this place…"

…

No reply…

"Namie?"

Rounding the corner to the living room, Izaya was certain his heart stopped, for sitting right before him, on his sofa next to a smiling Namie, was non-other than the blonde himself…

"Shizu-chan…?"

* * *

><p><strong>Full paragraphs? what is this thing you speak off? (in other words I have writers block =w=)<strong>

**Yes I made Namie nice xDD well okay no, I'm still going to keep her bitchy side, but I see her as the type of person, who if you're kind too her, or in some kind of psychological mess she'll be nice to you and of course if you help her win her beloved brothers love xDDDD**

**But it's a time skip now =) I wasn't going to bore you all with 7 months worth of useless crap that I'm sure people can use their imaginations for. **

**Shizu-chan's back now, but what does he have to say to Izaya for ditching him, and after like 6 months will Izaya just accept him back into his life? Review to find out~**


	10. Chapter 10

**To apologize for such a long wait for the last chapter I have written chapter 10 as quickly as I could =D**

* * *

><p>He didn't know what to do, what to say, how to act…he wanted to show happiness, but his mind kept saying no, the logic thinking he should hate the man for hurting him, the logic telling him to walk away and just ignore him.<p>

After all, he ignored him for the last seven months…

Clenching his fists he growled before turning around and walking away from the two, only to stop when a thought ran through his head, turning towards Namie an evil smile played at his lips; "Now Namie, I believe I told you before, I don't allow animals in my apartment. The same rule applies for degenerative cavemen."

Hearing her boss' cold words Namie's eyes widened, she thought the brunet would be happy to see Shizuo, yet instead he insulted him from the word go!

"Izaya what the hell is wrong with you! Do you know how hard it was for me to find him for you! God why are you such an asshole!"

Snarling at her words Izaya turned so he was completely facing the two; "Why? I'll tell you why…I depended on _him_" on the word 'him' the brunet pointed his finger at the blonde sheer rage in his eyes "I needed him…yet what does the bastard do? Leaves me without a word as to why, then I find out he tried to kill himself! Then…then…" Izaya couldn't finish his sentence, just like he couldn't stop the tears falling from his eyes as he tried to catch his breath through the hiccups.

Bringing his hands up, he covered his eyes, he wouldn't let this man see him cry…he wouldn't; "huh!" eyes widening, Izaya pulled his hands back a bit, blinking a few times when he realised Shizuo was hugging him…

He wanted to push him away, wanted to scream at him…tell him to leave him alone…but the words and actions just wouldn't come…he couldn't do it…

"I'm sorry Izaya…I'm so sorry…I never wanted to hurt you…I…I thought by leaving I was helping things…"

Pulling back Izaya gave him a scrutinizing look of sheer disbelief; "you thought you were helping things…? Shizu-chan if you wanted to help things you never would have left me!" Reaching down the informant grabbed both of Shizuo's wrists, swiftly pulling the sleeves up revealing a large scar running down the blonde's right wrist. "If you wanted to help…you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself…now, we're going to sit down, and you're going to tell me what happened that day. And I want to know everything."

Biting his lip, Shizuo turned his head away; he was expecting a reaction like this… a part of him was happy, happy to see the brunet's mental recovery was going so well, but another part of him hurt badly…

* * *

><p>Eyes wide Izaya was lost for words…he couldn't believe what just left the blonde's mouth, his mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing would come out, he just didn't know what to say…<p>

"I'm so sorry Izaya…I never wanted this to happen…"

"Just…just leave me alone."

With that the brunet stood and limped away from the blonde; ignoring the man's calls, he felt sick…to think he'd given his heart to the man responsible for his pain…it made him feel physically ill and emotionally drained.

Closing the door to the guest room, he slumped to the floor, his back resting against the hard wood, by now the tears where streaming down his face as he stared at nothing with his knee's drawn to his chest and his arms wrapped protectively around them…

_-Living room Namie and Shizuo-_

"I…I think it would be best if I left…he obviously doesn't want me here, and I don't want to upset him further…"

Frowning Namie shook her head before raising her hand in signal for the man to stay; "No, just give him a little while to calm down, then I'll have a word with him…I understand why he did it, but I still find his behaviour childish, and I stick with what I said to him earlier, a good nap will sort it out."

"Who…who are you exactly? To Izaya I mean…"

"His secretary, but most of the time I feel like his freaking mother…"

At the words, Shizuo chuckled; he honestly couldn't imagine the flea having need for a mother figure…

"Have you…ever met his parents?"

Shaking her head Namie sighed before sitting down beside the blonde; "No, they hold a permanent residence in Russia, so I don't hear of them very often, they used to call Izaya once every couple of months to check on things, but they had an argument and he hasn't heard from them since." "Do you know what it was about?" "Not a clue, but from what was said I get the feeling they know about his job, and they aren't happy about it."

Lowering his head Shizuo nodded, he got that…when he told his father about his job with Tom-san he went mental…but it was the same situation as it was with Izaya; "It pays good…"

"Izaya's parents don't care for money, they're rolling in the stuff, so the way they would see it is as a sleaze bag job that will ruin the family name…"

"I see…"

The next couple of hours were spent with random conversation, to which in the end; Shizuo found he had more of an understanding about the red eyed brunet…

"Well…I think he's had enough time to cool off, I'll go have a word with him. If all goes well I'll be back with him for you."

Nodding, Shizuo watched with anticipation as the dark haired woman walked away…

* * *

><p>Knocking softly on the door a few times Namie sighed; "Izaya, I'm coming in." with that she opened the door and walked into the room, shaking her head softly when her so called boss' sleeping figure came to view in the blacked out bedroom.<p>

Sitting on the side of the bed she gave him a gentle nudge, chuckling when his hand came out and swiped like a kitty; "Izaya wake up, you're going to ruin your sleeping pattern if you don't."

Groaning, Izaya hid his head further into the pillows, wanting nothing more than to block the woman's voice out.

"Izaya."

"Leave me alone Namie…I'm tired…"

"I don't care, up." With that she pulled the covers of the man's body, smirking as he curled into himself moaning about how cold the room was.

"Now, we're going to talk about Shizuo."

His moans stopped at the name, but instead of gracing her proposal he simply glared before turning over; "If that's all you want, you can leave me alone now."

"Izaya will you stop acting so childish! Do you have any idea how hard it was for him to agree to come see you, how much I had to go through to find him! I get why you're upset, really I do, but you can't blame him for an accident, you know as well as I that back then, if he realised he'd hit you, he would have never just walked away!"

Eyes widening Izaya's breath hitched, Namie was right…Shizuo wouldn't have missed an opportunity back then…but still…he felt a small bit of blame towards the man…sighing, he closed his eyes, then with a small groan he pushed himself up, hissing as pain ran down his legs; "I'll talk to him…but I'll need some help getting up…"

Smiling, Namie nodded before helping the man up and out the room.

* * *

><p>Sitting on the sofa Izaya sighed as he leant forwards playing with his fingers; "So…where have you been the last 6 months?"<p>

Watching the brunet intently, Shizuo frowned; "I thought Kasuka told you?" "Nope." "Oh, well I was staying with him…he travels a lot though, so I was never in one place too long…it was nice being with him, but at the same time I felt like a huge burden…he wouldn't leave me on my own for a minute…"

"Over protective syndrome ai?" Smirking, Shizuo nodded before leaning back on the sofa, they'd been talking a little over an hour by now, and so far it had been small chat…but hey it was a start…

"I'm glad…that you're getting better…it's nice to see you almost normal again…"

Shrugging Izaya looked away; "I still have set backs…but I'm not a shaky crying mess anymore…"

"I noticed…"

"Yeah, but Shizu-chan…there's still one thing I want to tell you, but first you have to close your eyes and lean forward."

At first the blonde raised a brow, but soon it set in what the brunet planned to do, so closing his eyes he leaned forward and prepared for the sting of the man's hand, only for his eyes to reopen in surprise as he felt something on his lips, no…not something, it was Izaya, Izaya's lips where on his…

The brunet was…kissing him…and he was kissing him back…

And he liked it…no not liked, he loved it…

Pulling back Izaya blushed, unable to make eye contact with the blonde as he played with the oversized sleeves of his hoodie; "Shizu-chan…I wanted to tell you before…I…I…lo…lov…I…"

Smiling Shizuo placed a finger over the brunet's lips silencing him, then with a gentle pull he placed his lips on Izaya's once more for a quick but gentle kiss;

"I love you too Izaya."

* * *

><p><strong>Gah writers block fuck off D!<strong>

**Meh another chapter done not my best, but hey what is xDDDD**


	11. Chapter 11

Well, this is about three years overdue, but hey, I'm only human.

I didn't want to do it this way. I hate it when others do it. I get so excited for a new chapter, only to find; discontinued; it's not a nice word. It's basically a failure, so I'm not going to use that word, but I need to make this clear.

I don't watch Durarara! anymore. Not even with the recent launch of the second series. Not because I don't want to, but because I simply don't have the time to. I made this account around eight or so years ago now; I was 14 years old and still in school. Yes school is important and I'm not saying it was an excuse to why I could write, because it wasn't; I still had work, but boy was it easier than life is now.

As it stands, I have 9 till 5 lectures Monday, Wednesday and Friday with Tuesday and Thursday being 10 till 3, and when I'm not in class or working on projects, I'm attempting to be an active member of society.

So yeah, I'm now 22 years old and a fulltime University student. Yes, I can practically hear it from here;

'Big deal, millions of people are.'

True, millions of people are students, but there's only one me, so I have to be selfish here. I'm eventually going to be paying back, in total; £36,000 ($50,000) I can't afford to slack here; I'm naturally a VERY competitive person. I don't want to be the one that slid through with minimum passes, struggling to find even the most mundane of work. I want to be the one who walks out with Firsts in everything, and to do that, I need to work hard and not let myself be distracted by things I can return to once this chapter of my life is done with.

So watch this space. I'm not completely discontinuing any of my stories, should I get back into the series I will most likely want to make a comeback, but I need you guys to bear with me. As it stands, my writing style was appalling…so if I am going to go back to updating, I will have to re-write them all first...

And there you have it.

**Also, please note; It doesn't matter how many times you send it, I won't reply to your private messages if you're rude to me. I have a LIFE. It's not my soul bound duty to write for you...want a reply? Speak to me like a human, not a piece of crap on your shoe.**


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